My First Love
I went for a walk in my hood the other day. I took the time to walk further than I usually do. I remember walking this street with my nieces and nephews as the sun was setting. By the time we made it up the street near the area in the second picture, it was DARK. and one of my nieces said something to the effect of, “can we go back now? I don’t know what’s further up that hill and it’s really creepy” 😁 Hmmmm, 🤔 interesting that it doesn’t look so creepy to me….now. It’s actually quite beautiful not to mention that this neighborhood literally has my name on it as it is filled with Liana vines pictured in the 3rd image. It is the thin vertical vine rising up from the ground in the middle of the photo. Yes I know the entire picture looks like Liana vines….what can I say, I’m everywhere. 😄
I know what you have been doing, how hard you have worked, how you have persevered, and how you can’t stand wicked people; so you tested those who call themselves emissaries but aren’t — and you found them to be liars. 3:You are persevering, and you have suffered for my sake without growing weary. 4:But I have this against you: you have lost the love you had at first. 5:Therefore, remember where you were before you fell, turn from this sin, and do what you used to do before. Revelation 2:1-5 (CJB)
Is this you? No? Well it certainly has been me. I definitely hate the wickedness of this world and speak on it often, I come across liars as well and cease to deal with them, I persevere and suffer by losing people and things in this world I thought were important, being called insane, and told I’m over doing it with my faith. While I still do what I must to push forward, my love for this walk began to wane. Over the last couple of months I have had my head so buried in the physical, I indeed left my first love, YAHWEH-YESHUA. He literally is my first love you know; as I professed my love for Him by telling Him that I would give my give my life to Him and follow Him at the age of 5. However, my love for studying His Word every morning, reduced to reading a chapter here or there. My dedicated prayers reduced to obsessing over the issues at hand and fears over nonexistent what if’s. I had begun clinging to everything but Him and it separated us. I didn’t completely abandon prayer, but my prayers have been selfish focusing on Him fixing the situation rather than allowing Him to comfort and strengthen me within it.
This past weekend I was watching something edifying on YouTube, but the speaker was touching on end times subject matter. The fear of what is to come set in as if it was the first I’d heard this information and I realized if YESHUA were to come at that moment, He would have passed me by, and I would surely be caught in the wrath of YAHWEH due to the spiritual state I was in. I have known these harsh truths for several years now and still I had gotten caught up in the cares of this world allowing it to weaken my resolve. Nothing is wrong in my life as I continue to rest in YESHUA, but I still need to be vigilant because the enemy’s tricks are the same and his disguise is ever changing. Instead of maintaining trust in my Father YAHWEH, I trusted what I thought was sent by YAHWEH. I didn’t realize that I could ever again be subject to such a thing; trusting the blessing over The One whom blesses.
Disillusionment has been slowly settling in over the past 1.5 months with the extra work around the house, worrying and stressing that my plans for Passover may fall through and it has caused me to lose sleep which throws everything off track; then the decline. Having a borderline OCD personality causes a need to have everything to be and go a certain way, which is the way I see it in my mind; but isn’t it just like YAHWEH to remind me that my way is lower than His way. It is stated in Isaiah 55:8-9 YAHWEH says, My thoughts are not like yours. Your ways are not like Mine. 9: Just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so My ways are higher than your ways, and My thoughts are higher than your thoughts. (CJB) Even Proverbs 19:21 says: People might make many plans, but what YAHWEH says is what will happen. (CJB) He not only says what will happen, He says how and when. My desire to keep His appointed time in the way I believe He intends for me to, negated the reason why I keep His appointed times in the first place, and why I keep His laws and commandments at all. It is because I love you YAHWEH.
With much prayer and persistence in returning to my first love, I realized that a few weeks ago He did impress upon me that I was too focused on the things that do not matter and they were robbing my thoughts and energy from the things I should be focusing on. 🥺 I am still learning to hear His voice clearly, to know truly if it is Him speaking to me and I shudder at the fact that I didn’t take what He said to heart when I heard Him. This happens when I allow the things of this world to manifest loudly in my life drowning out the calm reassuring voice of His Word. Patience brings His promises to fruition and in the midst of waiting we must be diligent in seeking Him, keeping His laws and commandments and telling the world all about Him and how much He loves us. This is how I love my Father YAHWEH and my Messiah, my King YESHUA.
Shalom & Berekah!
Just a few supporting verses:
I know what you have been doing, how hard you have worked, how you have persevered, and how you can’t stand wicked people; so you tested those who call themselves emissaries but aren’t — and you found them to be liars. 3: You are persevering, and you have suffered for my sake without growing weary. 4: But I have this against you: you have lost the love you had at first. 5: Therefore, remember where you were before you fell, turn from this sin, and do what you used to do before.
-Revelation 2:1-5 (CJB)
YAHWEH says, My thoughts are not like yours. Your ways are not like Mine. 9: Just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so My ways are higher than your ways, and My thoughts are higher than your thoughts.
-Isaiah 55:8-9
People might make many plans, but what YAHWEH says is what will happen. (CJB)
-Proverbs 19:21
We ourselves love now because He loved us first.
-1 John 4:19 (CJB)
And you are to love YAHWEH your ELOHIM with all your heart, all your being and all your resources.
-Deuteronomy 6:5 (CJB)
From this you can know that YAHWEH your ELOHIM is indeed EL, the faithful EL, who keeps His covenant and extends grace to those who love Him and observe His mitzvot (commandments), to a thousand generations.
-Deuteronomy 7:9 (CJB)
And the sign or wonder comes about as he predicted when he said, ‘Let’s follow other gods, which you have not known; and let us serve them,’ 4: you are not to listen to what that prophet or dreamer says. For YAHWEH your ELOHIM is testing you, in order to find out whether you really do love YAHWEH your EL with all your heart and being.
-Deuteronomy 13:3-4 (CJB)
Only take great care to obey the mitzvah and the Torah which Moshe the servant of YAHWEH gave you — to love YAHWEH your ELOHIM, follow all His ways, observe His mitzvot, cling to Him, and serve Him with all your heart and being.
-Joshua 22:5 (CJB)
Love YAHWEH, you faithful of His. YAHWEH preserves the loyal, but the proud He repays in full
-Psalm 31:24 (CJB)
You who love YAHWEH, hate evil! He keeps His faithful servants safe. He rescues them from the power of the wicked.
-Psalm 97:10 (CJB)
I love that YAHWEH heard my voice when I prayed; 2: because He turned His ear to me, I will call on Him as long as I live.
-Psalm 116:1
For YAHWEH is not so unfair as to forget your work and the love you showed for Him in your past service to His people — and in your present service too.
-Hebrews 6:10 (CJB)