The Desires of my heart
Growing up as a christian, I never read much in the Old Testament except maybe when a church leader would make a reference to a verse in it or I would read specific stories. While many people quote Psalms for strength and encouragement it never quite resonated with me aside from Psalms 23 until recently. Reading it now, I have found that peace, joy, encouragement and strength others have; and I also have found what it truly means to align with our Creator. When pondering this, Psalms 37:4 pretty much jumps off the page.
I have always read from the KJV, now I read from the Ancient Eastern Text: Aramaic Peshitta which is a more direct translation from the original text. KJV Psalms 37:4 Delight thyself also in YAHWEH (Lord) ; and He shall give thee the desires of thine heart. The Aramaic Peshitta reads: AP: 37:4 Trust in YAHWEH (the Lord); and He shall give you the desires of your heart. In this particular verse there is no resounding difference between the two and the end result is the same. However what does it really mean to trust in Him or even to delight myself in Him? Well, when I was still so much apart of the world, I wanted to have a nice car, get promoted at work, make money selling soap (so I don’t have to work at that job where I was trying to get promoted), and go on vacations. In retrospect, this is an example of my desires. Nothing wrong with this right? Well where exactly did my Elohim fit into all of this? I was a christian then, I went to church and I prayed in Jesus’ name but I never completely trusted Him to give me any of these things. What I did do, was work very hard spending endless amounts of hours making and selling soap on Shabbat, and S u n d a y. I studied on these days too working to obtain my formal education; constantly around the clock leaning on my own ability and my strength to work, work, work my way into obtaining these things never truly trusting or delighting myself in Him. Some of these things I obtained, but it never brought real joy; just temporary happiness. I chalked it up to it being life and nothing is perfect.
Fast forward to today where I have come to learn who our Creator actually is to us and His desires for us. I now consider what He wants. He loves us and I don’t think this is understood by many in a real way. He already knew what this world would be like and that it would do nothing but kill our soul and completely eliminate our ability to live out eternity with Him. So once I understood this, I took the plunge and prayed these words to Him: YAHWEH Let your will be done in my life. I had to trust that in asking Him to do this, everything would be OK.. I mean He is the creator of all, and sacrificed His Son for our salvation. How could I go wrong putting everything in His hands? To be honest, not to do this would mean that I don’t really believe what I read in scripture. So I abandoned everything that was not of Him; clothes, vacations that had nothing to do with Him (the pandemic helped with this), music (yes, even Pearl Jam for those who know me), cussing (again, for those who know me), the list goes on and I even began keeping Shabbat. The more I read, the closer I became to Him and my love for Him grew as a child loves their parents and wants to please them. Remember how it was running home to show them that A you got in class? Well it’s no different as I started to study Him, for Him. It became so simple; study the scriptures, believe what they say, and do what they say. I began to learn about the RUACH HA’KODESH (Holy Spirit) and how we are not to grieve Him, and He is the one who when we pray for it, He guides us into the truth helping us to understand what we read in scripture. The more I prayed for His will to be done in my life, the more my desires changed and getting that new Jaguar just wasn’t as important as it used to be. When our desires align with His, and when we want to please Him, and we want what He wants, how could He not give these desires to us?
“Liana, I can’t believe you gave up Pearl Jam!” Well, they have a song I used to really like but even then when I would sing it, I would be so uncomfortable when it got to these lyrics here: “I know I was born, and I know that I'll die, The in-between is mine, I am mine” This is a lie straight from the pit, entirely demonic and the only reason why I know this now is because I align with my Creator and seek to please Him, not man and not even myself.
All that I have now is everything I could ever need, or want and any additional wants is either coming, or not in His will. If it’s not in His will, it’s not good or right for us. There is so much beauty and peace in my life now resting in the safety, love and protection He gives me, of which He always has; with a bit of chastising of course. However now, I know it’s all Him and nothing of my own doing which causes me to acknowledge and glorify Him and that’s what it’s really all about; to glorify and magnify His name! However, nothing I have here now will EVER compare to what is to come.
P.S. The picture above was taken at approximately 11pm out of my bedroom window. It was my desire to capture this and He granted it to me.
Shalom!
Just a few supporting scriptures:
But when the RUACH HA’KODESH (Holy Spirit) of truth is come, He will guide you into all the truth; for He will not speak from Himself, but what He hears He will speak; and He will make known to you things which are to come in the future.
-John 16:13
11: For I know the thoughts that I think towards you, says YAHWEH (the Lord), thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a good hope at the end. 12: Then you shall call upon me and pray to me. 13: And when you shall seek me with all your heart, you shall find me says YAHWEH.
-Jeremiah 29:11-13
3: Trust in YAHWEH (The Lord) with all your heart, and rely not on your own wisdom. 6: In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.
-Proverbs 3:5
7: Ask, and it shall be given to you; seek, and you shall find; knock and it shall be opened to you. 8: For whoever asks, receives; and he who seeks, finds; and to him who knocks, the door is opened.
-Matt 7:7-8
But if any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of Elohim, who gives to all men liberally and with grace, and it will be given to him.
-James 1:5
YAHWEH is near to all who call upon Him, to all who call upon Him in truth.
-Psalms 145:18
You did not choose me, but I chose you, and I have appointed you, that you also should go and produce fruit and that your fruit might remain, so that whatever you ask my Father in my name, He will give it to you.
-John 15:16
29: Let no evil word proceed from your mouth, but words that are good and useful for edification, that they will impart blessing to those who hear them. 30: And do not grieve the RUACH HA’KODESH (Holy Spirit) of Elohim (God), whereby you are sealed to the day of salvation.
-Ephesians 4:29-30